Refresh

Refresh... anything yet?

Nope.

Click again... nope, still nothing.

Ugh - I hate you Refresh Button.

I just wish there was a button I could click that would instantly "refresh" my being.

One that would re-program my inner workings... just clear out all the shit - and start over.

I continue to live here in my protected little mind.. cut off from my surroundings - detached.  My every smile and every frown a facade.  What's real?  What's fake?  I don't think I even know anymore.

Refresh.. can you see what's in there yet?  Nope.  Nothing.

Damn Firewall.

Refresh.

Nature speaking

Woke up to this today. 

So peaceful and quiet, yet I could hear nature loud and clear.

Ingrid. Obsession.

I can't stop listening to this.  


I love me a good depressing song.


Ghost.

Timeout

I often feel like I'm on the outside looking in... removed.  Then again I also feel as if I'm in a fish bowl - everyone else is looking in, tapping on the glass.  Must be the Gemini in me.

I'm at war with myself... my head vs. my heart.  My head is winning.

I don't understand why people like me.. why do they want to spend time with me?... Why do they even care?  Why am I worth it?

I don't do well with compliments.

I often feel like I've used up all my optimism and happiness.  I'm not very good at covering it up... but I like to  think I am.

My anxiety makes me deaf to those around me.  I sometimes get so caught up in my head that I can't even listen to what others are trying to tell me.  I'm a terrible listener.

I fear being alone - yet alone is what I mostly am everyday.

Sometimes I just need a timeout from it all... I tend to want to push everyone out of my way and out of sight - but I've learned the hard way that that's not the best thing to do.  Instead I need to kindly push myself out of the way for a few days and let myself be.

Trouble is what do I do when I start to push back?

Enter today.

30 Reasons I loved 2011 aka "Year of the Hashtag"

Another year is ending.  This year was particularly a big one.  In the spirit of turning 30 this year, I decided to come up with 30 reasons I loved 2011.


1. I turned 30
2. I found Yelp  (Or Yelp found me.)
3. I raced as one of the famous Klement's Racing Sausages at Miller Park.
4. I completed my first Triathlon in Lake Geneva.
5. I walked out of my job
6. I got a new job
7. I started a part time serving job that I love
8. I made some great new friends
9. I payed off my debt
10. I became addicted to twitter... @tkozymke 
11.... Ok - I'm sick of this already.  I'm never going to make it to 30.  10 is good enough.


But you get the point.  I'm very grateful for 2011.  It was a year of many firsts for me... a lot of unknown.. and you know what - it all worked out.


I look forward to 2012.  I am so lucky to have the friends and family that surround me.  

Tkozy Simpson

So, as of late I haven't really been myself.  Well - I guess a more accurate way to say that would be that I've been more of my negative unhealthy self.  I've been tired, anxious, angry, anti-social and pretty much unpleasant.

Well - I need to change and get back on track before I end up alone, lonely and like our good friend Homer Simpson above.

Just two months ago I finished my first triathlon!  I was feeling great physically and mentally.  I was so proud of my accomplishment and you know what I did the next day?  I stopped all exercise and activity.  My reward - a mini-break.  tsk. tsk. tsk.  Bad move tkozy.  Bad move.  Close friends tried to get me back on track - but I just ignored them outright.  

I spiraled down into the oblivion - unemployed and closing myself off from those I care about most.  I was inactive... eating whatever I wanted (even some meat!  GASP!) or just simply not eating when I should.  Caffeine during the day, alcohol at night... fried food here and there.  No veggies or fruits.  I also started living in my head.  My head can be a very skewed, scary place.  

hm - and I wonder why I've been a bit of a monster.  

Well, yesterday I got back on track with the help of Trader Joes.  I stocked up on some fruit, yogurt, healthy snacks and veggies... all fuel to get back in top tkozy shape.  I too often take for granted how important my diet is.  I even so far as refuse to recognize that what I am eating during the day is affecting my mood directly. 

So - today begins operation Back on Track.  Quite frankly - a healthly Tkozy is a happy Tkozy - and I can't deny it!

#Fallfun.. MKE.

Just a fall fun night in Milwaukee thanks to Night of the Living Dead Puppet Show!

Thanks Headon and Diana for being great company.

We definitely got gored on.

Sexy hot. 

mmm. Pumpkin Cider Beer!

Cassie flaunting her bills.

Chai cupcake frosting.

we love comet

puppet gore!

Night of the Living Dead Puppet Show.  Bam.